The Dark Side

Comment

Comment by Bramakaveli on November 26, 2008 at 7:40pm

Horrorcore, hell yea. Jedi Mind Tricks....cypress hill

Comment by Polihood on November 26, 2008 at 6:20pm

naaaaaaaaaahh

Comment by gyb4lyfe on November 26, 2008 at 4:04pm

someone should make somthin like

thisizcookies.ning.com LOL

Comment by gyb4lyfe on November 26, 2008 at 12:11pm

lol

Comment by Polihood on November 25, 2008 at 6:33pm

make one son!

Comment by Polihood on November 24, 2008 at 6:01pm

Comment by Joe - Bout That Paper on November 19, 2008 at 8:39pm

waddup

Comment by BiDi_BWSBRAZIL. on November 19, 2008 at 2:57pm

ur brazilian boy is here

Comment by Polihood on November 18, 2008 at 5:33pm

A dark side of something is a side of that something where, by definition, it is dark. Dark sides can be created by putting a lamp near the desired light side and turning off all the other light. Usually, dark sides are accompanied by shadows, but in the case of the Earth, no shadow has been found yet.

A dark side is characterized by its power, which establishes itself in its full glory when the local power plant stops providing power for the corresponding light side. Ironically, even though constantly asked by various cliché'd evil overlords to do so, Luke Skywalker could never see the true power of the dark side. Actually, he could never see the dark side itself. Maybe you will be more successful, especially with night vision devices.

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Darth Vader was once known as Anakin Skywalker. However, during a duel with his master, he forgot that the high ground gives you an Agility bonus. He was pwned two seconds later, after yelling "You underestimate my... PoWeRr!" No one is really sure how Darth Vader went from being a total emo bitch who whined and threw tantrums, to a total bad-ass who was calm about being shocked by thousands of volts of electricity.

Anakin Skywalker was a man who always needed to root girls and have children. He never thought that he could end wars or do anything for his people.

He met a fat Pokemon named Snorlax who also liked to kick ass, in some dump-planet he wanted to invade by parthenogenesis. There he was taken in by wild Jawas who raised him and taught him the secret of fixing machines. Here he met the homosexual pleasure droid C3PO who perverted him. Here he also met R2D2, the huge dildo gizmo, who had escaped Queen Amidala because she was using him for kitchen work. Little Sammy and his two perverted droids then went on to kick some ass (well, not exactly kick, more like use). Young Samuel and his two robots, which had by this time become slaves of his, were found by Queer Goon Juan, he of the Mexican pornstar mustache, who was instantly attracted to them. Queer Goon Juan taught Samuel the secrets of the force and celebrity diary writing. While on the planet, he had sex with the Sexiest Woman Alive, thus producing the Love Children of Darth Vader: Chuck Norris, Master Chief, Jordan Campbell and Captain Jack Sparrow also Jay Leno.

Samuel became to be hailed as the Chosen One because all the little bits (the mitochond...wait, no, that's the other bit that likes to create energy) in his blood were moving. It was later discovered this was merely an infestation of headlice, but the NKVD stuck to their statement 'Midi-chlorians allow Darth Stakhanov to move 104 tons of coal with power of Force.

After graduating with honors from the Jedi Academy, Samuel became known a renowned lecture on the many culinary applications of the force. During his many exploits, he killed General Grievous by tricking Chef Boyardee into thinking they were a couple.

In 1875, he abandoned his teaching career and changed his name to Darth Vader (a pseudonym for Darth Phallic), because the name "Chad Vader" was already in use. Under the apprenticeship of Darth Insidious (Aka the Emperor, Senator Palpatine, Palps, Joe Lieberman, The Pope, Wrinkly Old Pervert, etc.) Chad {I mean "Darth") learn how to roll a mean blunt.

Darth Insidious was a stern Jamaican, who went by the name of Derek Moose until he later became a Sith Lord. Hense the reason as to why Vader picked up his deep Jamaican accent, trained from bare basics (e.g. "bacon"-->"beer can").

His hobbies include interrogation, sucking up to the Emperor, choking people using the Force, sensing disturbances in the Force, choking people using the Force, ordering attacks on the rebels and people he doesn't like and choking people with the Force. Under Darth Insidious' tutorship, Darth Vader came to have greater use of the Force and became even more perverted. Darth Moose became envious of Darth Vader's force mad skillz, and because of this he infected him with Herpes. This sickness left him horribly disfigured and forced him to hide his appearance. Darth Vader's first attempts at dyeing a black cloak resulted in disaster, forcing him to find employment as a cyborg-fetish rent boy.


Soon Darth Vader found himself an exciting new garment, with flashing lights on the front allowing him to monitor the Men in Black, who were watching him. This black outfit, consisting of his famous samurai puppy dog helmet (to prevent the aforementioned MIBs from reading his mind) and tight spandex/leather outfit, changed Darth Vader forever. He became more and more powerful and phallic. He even developed veins under his hood.

And so, Darth Vader became to be the ultimate phallic anthropomorphic embodiment (He even has veins under His hood and balls).

The suit was very stylish for his time, but soon became hideously unpopular with the ladies. Vilified by the opposite sex, and cursed by a voice unsuited to delivering cheesy pick-up lines, he started his campaign of kidnapping princess of distant galaxies.

In 1899, he sued the popular children's television host, Fred Vader (AKA: Steve Turner) for stealing his name. The dispute was resolved in the landmark case, Vader v. Vader.

During his political career, Darth Vader often took time off to endorse a variety of things, including:
The "Just Say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" campaign
Native American financial aid
Mechanical eating equipment
Amputations
Arachibutyrophobia
Being Jack Yang's Bitch
Insoles & Arch Supports
Elvis Presley records
How to properly bake muffins
Toilet paper (Motto: The power to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power of soft perfumed paper)
Kittens with no homes
Using fluorescent lightbulbs as swords
Cyborg dominatrix pornography
Rhine River controller
Spaceships shaped like bowties
Angry Lesbian Breasts
Toenail clippers for multiple limb amputees
Scuba Equipment
The Catholic Church
Push-button technology
Swiffers
Imitation Wonka bars
The Atonement Special
Movies such as "Star Wars"
New Coke (Cost him thousands of fans)
Dairy Farms
Big shiny metals helmets
Point and Click Interfaces
Skynet
The American Republican Party
The State of Israel
Girls Gone Wild Videos
The Albany, NY Goth Scene
Nader/LaDuke in 2000
French figure skating judges with connections to the Russian mafia
Blind people that crawl to work
Japanese Nazis
Razor Gator
Invented the buttplug.
Wonka and friends
Asthmatics Anonymous
IRP (Independent Red Potatoes)
NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People)
Fuck the dick-less gaYANKEES
Bow to the almighty METS
Dancing to Simon and Garfunkal

Ralph Nader was good friends with Darth Vader. In 1999, Nader persuaded Vader to rejoin the dark side. Nader has since turned into a pinko commie, along with his good friend, Bob Rae.

Darth Vader's Segway Commercial

Vader's world approves, please love use with the PHILIPS fluorescent lamp

Even with his command of the force, Vader recognized that even he couldn't shift dust from behind the consoles.

Comment by Justus on November 18, 2008 at 5:32pm

I was born to be on the dark side.